The 20th was always our day. In December it was our anniversary. Every other month it was our “monthiversary.” I left on the 20th. And I thought you would call. Why? I don’t know, but I thought you would….
I told you I was tired. That I’m done. That I wanted out. I felt triumphant at first, finally gathering up the strength and courage to break away from your spell.
“When we love, we partly, or wholly, relinquish our conditions and checklists, for the sake of making them feel that we love them for who they are, and not for who we wish they’d be.”
A few minutes later, I started suffocating, crying, finding it difficult to breathe… I love you. I wanted to take it all back, to tell you, “I love you, I’m in love with you. I never meant anything I said.” But I did. I meant every word. I love you, but I am tired. Tired of being the one who says “I’m sorry” all the time. Tired of always, always being the one who swallows her pride just because to her, keeping…
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Oh, Plain White T’s, how you know me so well…
I’m still currently dealing with every emotion that comes along with a breakup, but I can tell you what has helped me thus far:
- Cry. Cry to your heart’s content. Cry until you can’t cry anymore. There will be a day that comes that you will no longer have any tears.
- Listen to all of your angsty teenage music – yes, Fall Out Boy. Avril Lavigne. Panic! At the Disco. Red Jumpsuit Apparatus. They get you.
- Take a lot of long, hot baths. Sit in there with a book or your phone or whatever
- Take a day to go through all of your old text messages, notes, pictures, Facebook messages, Skype messages. Take your day to go through them, then forget about them.
- Don’t obsessively check their social media profiles or Snapchat. It doesn’t help, trust me.
- Listen to the music you used to listen to together. It might hurt, but it’s better to listen to it on your own accord than to hear it in the middle of the grocery store and just start sobbing in the middle of the cookie aisle.
- Talk to your friends… a lot.
- Go through your stage of talking about your ex and then stop. A few comments here and there are acceptable, but don’t obsessively talk about him/her all the time.
- Any time you think about something that has to do with your ex, immediately make your mind think about something else – whether it’s to go and find an article to read, turning on your favorite show, whatever. Just work on keeping your mind OFF of them.
- Have fights with them in your head. Say all of the things you wish you could say to them. Just let it out It sounds crazy (I swear I’m not crazy…), but seriously it helps.
- Don’t. Call. Them. Or text them. Seriously, as much as it sucks to not talk to them, it’s only going to hurt you more to talk to them.
- After the first week, stop thinking about all of the things they said to you after you broke up. Who knows whether they meant it or not, but dwelling on it is not going to help your situation.
- Time heals all wounds. I know it’s cliche, but it does. And only time will tell what’s supposed to happen.
- Find something to look forward to – whether it’s going out with your friends, going on a vacation, whatever. Just find something to look forward to.
- Rediscover your hobbies. You know that when you were with that person, you let some of your hobbies fall to the wayside. Rediscover them and have fun!
- Listen to your parents’ advice. As much as you think you might know better than them, you don’t. They’ve got a lot more years on you and can sometimes be the best guidance.
- Find something to focus on. Whether it’s writing, work, reading, whatever. Just find something to occupy your time with.
- Don’t do anything stupid, i.e. don’t have one night stands, get drunk, text or call him. Just make smart decisions.
- Allow yourself to feel. Don’t bury your emotions so they can resurface later down the road. Let them all out.
- It gets better. I promise, it does.
All of those times you stopped working on that new song, that new video game, that movie, that story… I never thought I would be just like one of your many toys, but I was. Because you gave up on me too.
One of my all time favorite Sex and the City quotes.
It’s not because I don’t want to talk to you … because I do.
It’s not because I don’t think about you … because I do.
It’s not because I’m over you … because I’m not.
It’s because I couldn’t stand for you to decide that you didn’t want to talk to me anymore.
It’s because this is the only part of this I have control over.